i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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