I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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