it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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