how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
