We're facebook friends in real life
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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