I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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