HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
