pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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