singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
