Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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