when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
