party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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