imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize