I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
