If that was your dad, he is hot
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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