Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
