she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
