I murdered the dance floor call the cops
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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