Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize