how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
