Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
