oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the day after is always just damage control
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
