hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
