Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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