just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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