Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
