i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
