remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
