wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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