Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
