Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
