you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
