Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
