i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
