Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
