So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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