I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
