ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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