not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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