Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
