I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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