I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
