is your mom at the bar?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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