She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
