so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
