If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
