Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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