Already got asked if we're dating
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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