I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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