Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
