"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
