Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
