bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
did i just pee glitter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
