fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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