she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
