meet me or not, i'm out of control
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
