The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
