____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
