i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
