Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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