drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
