I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
