believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
