i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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