Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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