..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
