seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
