He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
