The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
